Steverino helps you kill your inner enabler...

Namaste champion...

If you find yourself taking more responsibility for a person's behaviour than they are taking for themselves you have crossed the line from helping them to enabling them.

This is an easy mistake to make, especially if you are a genuinely empathetic human being...

I know a lot of 20 and 30-year-old kids running around who avoid hard-work, let alone taking responsibility for creating a better future for themselves.

Who is to blame? 

Parents, friends, teachers, or bosses whose identity is so wrapped up in making people happy and being liked?

Maybe...

Removing responsibility, hardship, and heartache from the equation never work...

Or, is it the immature adults crippled by their own sense of entitlement? 

I'd say responsibility lies on both sides of the equation.

Placing blame only perpetuates the problem: it's an avoidance of responsibility.

If you find yourself stuck in an enabling relationship, the best way out is to stop the cycle. 

You might want to reread that last sentence one more time, amigo.

Make a conscious choice to help by not helping. 

When you step in and do the heavy lifting for the person you're trying to help, you're actually robbing them of the opportunity to learn and grow...

So don't step in.

Let them fail.

If you’re deeply honest, it’s not them you’re worried about. It's really you who doesn’t want to suffer. 

The mind is a tricky thing...

You can rationalise helping others in a million different ways.

Believe me, I've done it. 

The best way to re-establish healthy boundaries is to get brutally honest about the situation…

    • Are you helping because you want to control the situation or person?
    • Are you actually qualified to offer the right kind of help?
    • Are you simply helping because it makes you feel better about yourself?

You're better off stepping back from the situation and seeing if your actions are doing more damage than good.

Chances are you need to let go of your need for control of the situation. Focus instead on taking care of yourself. 

Anxiety will probably kick in, but that's just fear rearing its ugly head.

But, pain is the only real teacher.

Change is painful...

Uncomfortable...

Downright excruciating at times...

But, guess what?

Human beings are freaking resilient. That child, friend, or employee you’ve been coddling can handle it. So, roll your sleeves up and take the kid gloves off...

Have the difficult conversation...

Do the hard thing...

Stop delaying the inevitable.

And, trust yourself to be confident that no matter how hard drawing that line in the sand is - it is the only healthy way forward. 

Here's to being a grown up...

Steve Knox


PS. You might want to share this email with an enabler you know. 

If you're the slightest bit nervous about doing this, then you should definitely pull the trigger. 

I promise you it's a conversation worth having...